My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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