Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
