I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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