I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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