dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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