You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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