the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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