dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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