My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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