maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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