Apparently you make a good broom.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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