I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
