I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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