This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
