He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
