She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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