it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
