There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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