# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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