I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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