I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
