Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
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