I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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