We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
