I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
