OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
