My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
