I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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