Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
