just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
