i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
