I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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