lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
