fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
