Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
