Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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