Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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