eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
