Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Randomize
