Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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