mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
