It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
