i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
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I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize