You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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