I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
