I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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