Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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