i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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