You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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