In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Randomize
