we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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