FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Boobs speak an international language.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
