she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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