does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
