Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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