Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
