Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
