I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
