there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
