Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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