Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
