Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
