Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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