we're blogging at a bar
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
