in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Damn victory sex feels great
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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