I need help removing her.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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