honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
