I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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