My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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