oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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